You know you are a Nurse if....

Wow! You really know you want to be a nurse or you are already a nurse if any of the following apply to you.

1) The front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!"
2) You occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign... and knock it over (seriously why should they be the only ones with special parking).
3) You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4) You recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
6) You believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.
7) You believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse JUST to show you it can.
8) You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil, and urinals are great for making tea in a pinch.
11) Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural. A work party just isn't the same unless the dips are made in bedpans. Its all about ambience.
12) You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) You've even heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings and a body full of tattoos say "I'm afraid of needles."
14) You've placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
17) You have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
18) You believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious.
19) Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
20) You don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
21) You've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.
22) Discussing dismemberment or bowel movements over a meal is perfectly normal to you.
23) Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
25) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
26) You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
28) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) You have even wanted to write a book entitled "Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
31) You've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
32) You're idea of a lunch break is eating graham crackers on the toilet....lunch and a pee break all in one!!!
33) You realize that Doctors "orders" are really just suggestions.
34) You are on a date, and you can't help looking at thier bulging veins and think "that would be an easy IV"